How to Have a H.E.A.R.T. for Your Kids – Chapter 2

January 23, 2012 in Books, HEART Book Club with 16 Comments

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This past week in the HEART Book Club, we’ve been reading the chapter 2 of How to Have a H.E.A.R.T. For Your Kids.  It’s not too late to join us.  You can still sign up for the email newsletter and get the printable journal, join the Facebook group, and chat on Twitter using #HEART4YourKids.  Feel free to read ahead and don’t feel bad if you get behind the schedule.  Read at your pace!  I’d also recommend signing up for my regular daily email to get all my blog posts sent directly to your inbox or adding my RSS feed to your favorite feed reader so you don’t miss a post about the HEART Book Club.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from this chapter:

  • … the world has substituted tolerance for grace. pg. 67
  • And so we’ve refashioned marriage to be self-serving, not self-sacrificing. pg. 70

What are my kids learning from my marriage?  They are always watching me and learning from me.  So, what are they learning?

God’s intention for marriage is oneness (or unity) and sacrifice.  Marriage is supposed to be a picture or example of our relationship with God.

Our church just happened to have done a week on marriage in the series that we are currently in.  It’s a great message…  Take a look:

Can’t see the video in your email or RSS reader?

Rachael mentions the idea of not being just passive partners, but active allies.  I loved this.  Josh and I have to not just being wandering in the same relative direction; we have to be actively working together and re-charting our course.  This means that we have to be spending intentional time together.

A funny story…  Josh has always opened doors for me and filled my car with gas.  He learned this from his dad and has modeled it for our boys.  Jonathan, at not quite five years old, completely understands that it is appropriate to open doors for Mommy.  He rushes to open my car door before Daddy can get there to do it.  He thinks it’s a game right now, but we pray that as he grows and matures, this will become a lifestyle and way of treating women.

Our biggest struggle right now is juggling work, kids, and time for us.  Josh has a “longish” commute and works a later shift two days every other week.  I’m at home with the boys all day, most of the time without a vehicle right now, and trying to come up with ways to meet our next baby step to becoming debt free, which is paying off Josh’s student loan.  Add to that, we live thousands and thousands of miles from family.  We don’t have extra income for date nights or getaways.  Our friends either have little ones like us or are running older children around and have little free time.  We do our best with quiet time together in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed.

I’d love to hear suggestions from others who are in this stage of life or have passed through it.  How did you handle it?

Ready?  It’s your turn!  What stood out to you in this chapter?  What are you doing to enrich your marriage?  Share your thoughts, insights, and answers to any questions from the end of the chapter.  Leave a comment and/or join the link up.

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  • http://myjourneytoauthenticity.com/ Meredith

    We are in a similar stage. My husband doesn’t get home until after 11pm on weeknights,  when I have to (choose to) be up by 4AM to get my quiet time in.  It is a very difficult time.

    But God is faithful – He seems to make our weekends last forever. It is really cool.

    I have been going back and forth with the idea of changing my schedule to do my studying in the evenings, and sleeping a bit later in the mornings, but often times the boys (or at least one of them) are up at the same time I am (*yawn*) so that doesn’t really seem like it will work.

    We TALK about having a date night, but paying for a sitter, and then paying to go out… we just never have enough left over.

    • http://thepelsers.com Amanda Pelser

      We used to have a schedule more like yours.  Josh would be at work until between 9-11pm.  It was tough.  So glad we’re through that phase.

  • Christina

    Sounds like a book I need to read. Our challenge is that my husband is around so little that the kids don’t get his influence as much as they should. Date nights are hard without family–it costs us a fortune to get a babysitter. A friend of mine has an older friend at church who watches her kids–she’s become like their grandmother. Thanks for sharing!

    • http://thepelsers.com Amanda Pelser

      Christina, it is a great book.  Join us!

  • Kbalman

    Like you we haven’t gotten out much together for alone time. I also struggle with that balance between kids, husband, chores, etc.  I have been thinking about doing something we both enjoyed when dating that didn’t cost money and that was hiking. Just getting out with my hubby for some alone time is great. So I think very soon I am going to find someone to watch the kids and go out for a hike and picnic lunch. I also thought about just going out for coffee. Who says a date has to be dinner and a movie or a romantic getaway? I am so happy you did this book club. I just posted a little testimony on the Facebook wall. In the last 4 days my HEART has grown so much for my husband and kids.

    • http://thepelsers.com Amanda Pelser

      I’d be thrilled to just get out for coffee, but finding someone to watch the boys has been the hardest part.

  • Kbalman

    Like you we haven’t gotten out much together for alone time. I also struggle with that balance between kids, husband, chores, etc.  I have been thinking about doing something we both enjoyed when dating that didn’t cost money and that was hiking. Just getting out with my hubby for some alone time is great. So I think very soon I am going to find someone to watch the kids and go out for a hike and picnic lunch. I also thought about just going out for coffee. Who says a date has to be dinner and a movie or a romantic getaway? I am so happy you did this book club. I just posted a little testimony on the Facebook wall. In the last 4 days my HEART has grown so much for my husband and kids.

  • Pingback: E – Enrich Your Marriage. H.E.A.R.T. For Your Kids — Serving From Home

  • http://faithfamilyandfun.com quinnschilling

    Your favorite quotes were mine too! It sounds like you are in the hard stretch! We have a blended family with 6 children and for about 5 years I think we never went out! It was just a hang on ride…:) That being said, looking back, maybe there were some things we could’ve done. Maybe you could trade child care with another couple? Maybe through church? I am thinking of offering our help to young couples once in a while for that…hmmm. Not sure, but I will be thinking about it.

    • http://thepelsers.com Amanda Pelser

      You would be such a blessing to couples in our situation.  Please do reach out to them and offer your help.

  • http://www.greekrootsinamericansoil.blogspot.com/ Michelle

    Finding that alone time has been a huge problem for us. We always found that when we were alone, we talked about the kids. So, we ended up just always hanging out with our children in our free time. I was glad for that time, but I do strongly believe the couple needs that alone time to reconnect. Now, with just my daughter at home, it’s easier to sit down and share a cup of coffee while she’s in dance class or drop her off with a friend while we go to dinner. I agree with Kathy, alone time doesn’t have to be a dinner or movie date–I’ll even meet my husband on his 30 minute lunch break, while my daughter is in a homeschool enrichment class. Sometimes, we’ll listen to a podcast together and discuss what we got from it. For us, we need to discuss things other than day to day bills, schedules, etc.–my husband likes to talk politics, current events, etc., I try not to glaze over anymore–I would find myself thinking,”Do I have any canned tomatoes for the chili?” as he talked. Well, I’ve gotten off on a tangent, but I do understand about finding that quiet time together.

    • http://thepelsers.com Amanda Pelser

      I know this time is short and my boys will be grown up before I know it.  I just want to take the mommy hat off and get out of the house with my husband every once in a while.

  • Lynn Pitts

    we are also in the same stage as far as wanting to live simply and have no debt. Our kids are older as our youngest is 10 and oldest 17 but we still struggle getting out on date nights because we are trying to save money. I love how your son is mimmicking your husband with opening the door for you. My son’s ( I have two) now do this for me as well because of dad’s example..

    • http://thepelsers.com Amanda Pelser

      Jonathan is so cute when he insists upon taking car of my car door.  He got in trouble once in a parking lot because he wanted to do Daddy’s door too.  We had to explain to him that the driver is responsible for everyone in the car and Jonathan is not allowed to take care of the driver’s door.  He was so sad and I felt so bad because he was trying so hard to be a gentleman.

  • Anonymous

    I too have a degree, in religious study, more than my accountant husband, who attended a secular college. I’ve had to keep quiet a lot even though at times I know a lot more about the Bible than my husband. But recently he surprised me when he knew something that I did not! =)

    • http://thepelsers.com Amanda Pelser

      Josh worked for a national apologetics ministry so he has knowledge in some areas that I don’t, but it’s still a difficult balance.

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