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This week, I'm in chapter 8 and 9 of Grace for the Good Girl. Last week I wrote about chapter 6 and 7. Be sure to go check out other great posts linked up at Momma Day By Day.
Here are some quotes from these chapters. (I'm reading in the Kindle app for iPad so no page numbers.)
- I realized how my need to keep everyone happy with me has become a mask I hide behind in order to avoid risk and rejection.
- And that is how it goes, until he confronts her about something. And when he does, she pulls out her list. Perhaps you know the list. It is the one filled with all those things that bother you that you haven't dared bring up, the things you have been saving for such a time as this. It is your defense list, your ammunition for protection. Because if you don't bring up your list, then all you are left with is someone telling you you've disappointed them, and a good girl doesn't like to be wrong or disappoint people. And so, we pull out our list and point back. It isn't pretty, but isn't it familiar?
- Our comfort zone is a widely drawn circle and we stand in the middle, protected by our ability to please everyone else, no matter the cost.
- We become skilled at getting to know people and have several who think of us as their closest friend, only to discover at the end of the day, we have no one to call because we're unwilling to trust.
- we simultaneously avoid and long for discovery.
- You feel lonely, unimportant, and not-as-good-as, while at the same time you experience feelings of deep resentment toward those who always turn to you. You have trained people to think you have no needs, but you are secretly angry with them for believing you.
- What would it look like if I allowed Jesus himself to determine my comfort zone?
- Good girls are a lot like my rag-wearing Cinderella. Because if you are working in your own strength, then who gets the credit? You do. If you aren't being rewarded for your hard work, who gets offended? You do. If things aren't going the way they should, who gets angry? You guessed it.
- Even though I know the Bible says I am not saved by my works but by faith, I still believe deep down that God is more accepting of those who perform well and do the right things than he is of those who do not. And I believe that the bad girls shouldn't get the same rewards that the good girls get. It's only fair.
- The good girl in me stands there with her arms crossed, wishing she had a story to tell that would draw crowds and change lives. In my mind, I know I'm better off without the scars and the hurt and the pain and the darkness. In my head, I know all the grace and love offered to them is available to me. But sometimes it doesn't feel fair that God seems to most powerfully use those who have chosen wrong and then come back again instead of those who did it right the first time. Where is the celebration for us?
- We hide behind this mask of indifference, pretending it doesn't bother us, because the only alternative is to face the source of the anger and what we are afraid to admit we believe: How can he choose to reward them and ignore me?
- All that is mine is yours. We already have the love and acceptance of our Father, so why do we try so hard to earn it?
Comfort in Fear.
In chapter 8, Emily describes a story of a little girl given the choice between a book and colored pencils. The girl seems to want the colored pencils, but her dad seems to be lobbying for the book. If you were the little girl in this situation, what would you do? Would you go with your heart and choose what you want? Or would you go with the “expected” suggestion?
When I tried to answer this question, I found myself paralyzed. I didn't know what to do. And that was my answer. I just wouldn't decide. I'd go without. I'd rather go without that to feel guilty for going against what someone wanted of me. I'd rather go without that to have that reminder that I made a “bad choice.”
Fear of what others will think of me and my choices keeps me from doing what I really want to do. I fear I'll choose the “wrong” thing and be unhappy. I'd rather stick with what I know and find comforting than to be unhappy with my choice. But, what kind of life is that? Destined for unhappiness. Stepping out of the comfort zone might bring unhappiness, but it might bring joy. One way, I'm forever stuck. The other way, I have a chance of breaking out and I'm no worse off than if I'd chosen to remain stuck.
Unnecessary striving.
I follow the rules. I work hard. I'm good. But, for what? For things I don't realized that I've already been given.
Already been given? Yes. God has given me mercy and grace – free gifts – just like He gives to everyone else. I can't work for my salvation. That makes it all about me. How selfish is that? That wrongly makes me the center of the story when it is God who is the Redeemer and the Hero.
Missed a week of the discussion? You can start here for the whole series.
