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I think a lot of times we, as parents, make parenting more difficult than it needs to be.
Hear me out.
I'm not saying that parenting isn't difficult. I'm not saying that it won't stretch you to a point where you feel like you may break. I'm not even saying that there's a quick answer to each battle of the wills or hardened heart.
I'm not saying that at all!
Nor am I saying that I am an advocate for UNparenting. I am nowhere NEAR that way of thinking! But I'm going to let you in on a little secret that I feel the Lord gave to me last week while helping one of my littles navigate this journey called life.
She was having a rather difficult time obeying one of our most important rules: “Listen and Obey.” For some reason I think she felt like the rules applied to everyone…except her. She seemed to be battling every decision her daddy and I made during a very long and eventful weekend with family and friends. If it wasn't the meal that she needed to eat, or the particular event that was going to take place, it was where she would be sleeping or the person she was going to ride with.
After the masses left for the weekend and our lives began to get back to normal, the Lord opened up an opportunity to speak truth into her. After several minutes of lovingly working through many of the previous scenarios, I could see her heart softening but I didn't feel like I was done.
The moment allowed me the freedom to speak a little bit of truth to her, not only as her loving mommy, but as a fellow sister in Christ.
Here is the gist of what was said:
Baby, you know I love you right? Do you know who I am? I am your mama. Do you know what a mama is? I am the person who God has entrusted you to. I get to help you learn to make decisions. I get to help teach you right from wrong. I get to be the person who you go to when you are hurt, or angry, or sad. I am your helper.
I get to hold you accountable for this season. Because in a few short years, you are going to be an upcoming adult and given the freedom to make your own decisions and this is the time in your life when I get to TEACH you how to make them. Very soon you aren't going to answer to me and daddy the way you do now. You will already have to know how to flee from the devil and his sneaky tactics. You will have to know how to handle conflict.
And I want to tell you something: Daddy and I still don't always get it right, but our parents taught us WHO we need to turn to. And now we have people, friends, who help us make wise choices, and even now have to tell us when we aren't living the way Christ would want us to. It's not easy to listen to someone telling you when you are wrong. But we learn from these times and we give it to God, knowing that He will help us make a wiser choice the next time.
I don't know when it hit me, after it was all over or while the words came out of my mouth, but sometime during those next moments I truly believe that I got to the heart of what a parent really is!
I am my child's helper for a time.
We only have our children for a short time.
I am NOT my child's savior.
I am going to constantly have to fight the urge to parent the behavior for the goal of simply making them better citizens.
The same goes for the desire to parent in order to make our family look like we are good Christians, in order to make ME look like a good mom (ouch!).
No, I have to lay all those aside in order to parent my kids the way the Bible instructs.
We are to “train up a child in the way he should go.”
This doesn't mean they are going to go in that direction without falling off the path, or even blocking that path from their lives, as hard as that sounds. It will be their choice then. But right now, while they are with us, we are to teach them which way to go.
“Point your kids in the right direction – when they're old they won't be lost.”
Proverbs 22:6 (MSG)
