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Most of my formative years were spent living with my single mom and my little sister. Unintentionally, it was modeled for me that a woman can (and maybe even should be) ultra-independent and self-sufficient. Don't get me wrong, my mother was amazing and probably should have super-mom status for what she did to keep things afloat. The problem for me is that I'm already naturally a “type A” perfectionist. This environment didn't cultivate a sense of broader community and support from other women.
My husband has been trying to “beat” this independence out of me for years 🙂
I've been reading this post on Modern Alternative Momma over and over again for the last month. Seriously, I've read it almost everyday in my Google Reader. I can't tear myself away from it.
So go read it and come back…
Here are a few of the quotes that have made me think and have been on my heart:
I'm pretty sure that the original feminist ideals were about choice.
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Feminists are no longer fighting against real, outside pressures that want to keep them down (for the most part), they're busy fighting other women over having different ideas about the female role. They've cultivated a particular role that they believe all women should share, in general: the woman who can work and raise children (“supermom”), control her own finances, embrace “equality for all” (but only for liberal ideals; they don't mean for religious women), be active politically (leaning left, sometimes farleft) — the woman who can “do it all.”
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Moms are so busy striving to be perfect and wishing for some respect for their choices that they defend themselves by turning a judgmental attitude towards mothers who do things differently.
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We can't even begin to get more support for women and mothers — something most strongly desire and even fight for! — while we are busy fighting with each other.
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Why not support real feminism, the ability to choose our lifestyles and parenting styles? We are each individuals with individual children. What works for one family truly does not work for another. We do not need to fight and judge and pretend we are perfect and have it all together. We are all works in progress, striving to do better everyday, always intending to do our best.
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Let's get rid of these ideas that we need to be perfect and do it all. Let's get rid of this ridiculous “I don't need anyone, especially a man!” I couldn't do anything without my husband, because he is my biggest supporter!
In the midst of pondering all of this, I had a conversation with my friend Dee that mirrored the sentiments in that post.
I want to be a woman that builds up other women, especially the moms around me. I want to share the things I'm learning – I can't help it; I'm a researcher at heart and there's a teacher in here somewhere – with other moms to help and encourage them without making them feel bad for not choosing to do things my way. I'm not talking about big “T” Truth of the Gospel. I'm referring to little “t” truths that reflect what is best for me and my family.
I'm a child of God.
I'm a woman.
I'm a daughter.
I'm a sister.
I'm a wife.
I'm a mom.
I'm a mom of boys.
I'm a stay-at-home-mom.
I'm a homeschooling mom.
I can't do life alone. I need my husband. I need other women and moms around me to support me. God made us to live in community and to support one another.
Huge thanks to Dee for sharing this sentiment and mulling it over with me in many recent conversations.
