Asking for Help

My daughter is passionately independent. Ever since she was a toddler she has wanted to “do it herself.”

Sometimes this is a good trait. It allows her to figure out ways to complete complex tasks and have a great sense of accomplishment when she does. Sometimes, this trait is a curse. She finds it very difficult to ask for help. I get frustrated sometimes, watching her try to complete a task and wishing she would just ask for help.

I worry about her and what this trait will mean for her as she gets older and her problems become a little more complex. I worry, and then I realize… she learned it from us. Both her dad and I have this same trait, so we are going to have to work hard to teach her that asking for and receiving help is an acceptable thing to do.

It reminds me of a joke I once heard about a man in a terrible flood. The waters were rising so he climbed onto the top of the roof and prayed to God to save him. A short while later a man in a rowboat came along and told him to come aboard. The man replied, “No, I prayed to God, and God will save me.” An hour or so later a man in a power boat came along and told him to come aboard.   The man replied, “No, I prayed to God, and God will save me.” Finally, a helicopter came and dropped a rope to the man. The man refused, once again saying that he was waiting for God to save him.

The man drowned. When he got to heaven he asked God why He hadn't saved him from the flood. God replied, “I sent two boats and a helicopter – what more did you want?”

You see, we are called to be God's hands and feet in the world. Yet still I am reluctant to ask for or accept help from people even when I really need it. I pray about it, yet when the people in my life respond, I often don't let them help.

Sometimes it is actually because I am so overwhelmed I don't really know what I need or what they might be comfortable doing.

In the moments of great need, I've found it most helpful when someone offers specific help. For example, “I would love to bring you a meal – when would be the best time for me to do that?” This is so much easier to respond to than, “If you need anything, let me know.” It lets me know how they feel most comfortable helping and gives me something specific to respond to.

I also need to learn how to just say, “I can't do this on my own, I need your help.” When you ask for help, it is also helpful to ask for specific things. I've always found that people want to help. People want to be God's hands and feet in the world but most of the time we don't know what to do. Ask your friends, ask your families, and ask your church.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard stories where people have felt hurt by their church because they weren't visited in the hospital or helped through a difficult time and their church never even knew what was going on. Current privacy laws and rules mean that churches no longer get automatically informed when someone is admitted at a hospital. They cannot help you through it, or help connect you with resources, or even pray for you if they do not know.

We have to figure out how to be better at this for our own sake, as well as for our kids' sake. We are designed to be in community because we cannot do life alone – we need each other. God sends us help when we need it, and often we don't even recognize it.

How can you be the Hands and Feet of Christ to someone you know who needs it?

How can you be better at asking for help when you need it?