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This is day 3 of 31 Days of Finding Joy in Depression. Yesterday, I gave you a brief overview of what depression is. Today, I'm sharing how I was diagnosed with depression.
After Jonathan was born in 2007, my OB/GYN asked lots of questions to see how I was doing emotionally. Lots of questions. I'm sure that they always do that after you have a baby. I was fine, so I thought. Nothing really seemed any different to me. I'm always in a lower, less excitable state. Dealing with the pressures and stresses of becoming a mom didn't seem any different to me than normal life.
Each year at my check up came the same questions about how I was doing. My response was the usual smile and “fine.” But was I? My doctor pressed and reminded me that he was there and he could prescribe something for me if needed. I thought he was being a little pushy, but as the days and months went on, I found the stress began to wear on me more and more. Responsibilities at home. Pressures at work. My primary mode of denial was sleep. Too much sleep. Stresses at work continued to grow and I knew I was coming to a breaking point.
I was a communications director in a church. Let me tell you, full-time ministry is not as glamorus as some on the “outisde” might think it is. I'd been reading Mad Church Disease by Anne Jackson. It's a book about burnout and other pressures on those working in ministry. There is a testimony from a pastor who has dysthymia in that book. The story seemed so familiar. Too familiar. One day shortly after reading that chapter, I found myself sitting in my car not wanting to walk into work. I couldn't handle anything more. I couldn't breathe.
My heart was racing.
I was done.
I was having a panic attack.
I couldn't continue running any more.
I'd been in this place before. Less severe, but the same place. Probably more than once. In that past I'd pushed through it. I muscled my way through on my own. Too proud to ask for help. Too stubborn to admit my struggle. Too brainwashed by those in the church who think depression shouldn't affect believers and you should be able to pray your way through it. But this time I was done. I called my doctor's nurse and left a message. Within a very short period of time I received a call back and had an appointment made for that afternoon.
Continued tomorrow…
Have you ever had a panic attack? Ever run from something you didn't want to deal with?
If you deal with depression, please comment and share your journey too. If you're a blogger, you can use the button and code below to share your story and link back on your blog. Feel free to leave links to your posts in the comments area.
I'm linking up with The Nester and others who are writing 31 posts this month on various topics. I'm not a doctor or a counselor and this is not intended to be medical advice. This is simply the story of my experience with depression.
