Grace for the Good Girl ~ Chapter 2 and 3

Last week I wrote about the introduction and chapter 1 of Grace for the Good Girl.

This week, we're in chapters 2 and 3.  Here are some quotes from the readings: {I'm reading on the Kindle iPad app so no page numbers.}

• I perform so you will think I'm okay.
• I perform because I don't know how not to.
• When good girls perform to get the same thing, we get praise.
• We work hard, we do right, and we try not to ruffle feathers.
• So we keep right on with life, and our masks mix with our personality and circumstance. Before we know it, we don't really know who we are, and nobody else does, either.
• Good means I never mess up.
• Good means I can handle everything, I don't look like a fool, and I never lose my patience.
• Good means I am enough. My goodness is all about me.
• If I fail to live up to my own standard of good, I label myself a failure. I lack motivation. I become indifferent. I entertain anxiety. I snap at my children. I want to be alone. I dream of Hawaiian vacations. I wallow.
• I can try to figure out a way to continue making life work on my own or I can admit defeat and accept Jesus' invitation to simply Come.
• But it did not bring me any greater understanding of God. It did not protect me from my own impossible expectations.
• I avoided vulnerability for fear of being rejected or being labeled needy. Good girls aren't needy, they are needed. And so instead of living free, I lived safe.
• My life was a performance that no one wanted tickets to see. Including me.
• My disappointment or satisfaction with a situation rests entirely upon what I expected to happen.
• When we believe that God expects us to try hard to become who Jesus wants us to be, we will live in that blurry, frustrating land of Should Be rather than trust in The One Who Is. We will do whatever we believe it takes to please God rather than receive the acceptance that has already been given. We will perform to live up to what we believe his expectation is of us rather than expectantly wait on him.
• Jesus didn't put expectations on himself. He didn't micromanage his own image and constantly try to align his reality with his ideal. Instead, he lived expectantly, waiting for the next step. His was a life of total and complete dependence and submission to the voice and will of his Father.
• The first lie she believed: I am worthless.
• Enter lie number two: I have worth because I perform well.
• That solidified lie number three: The only person I can ever depend on is me.
• No one really knew Lucy because Lucy didn't really know herself.
• All he wants is simply you–minus your good works, minus your perfect attendance, minus your politeness. When you really believe that, you may discover that all you want is Jesus, simply Jesus. Not just to get to heaven or to help you be a good person or do the right thing, but to simply love and be loved by him.
• But I didn't understand the middle-of-a-Tuesday Jesus. I only knew him as a when-I-get-to-heaven Jesus. Salvation was my ticket to heaven and not much else.
• I was good because I was afraid of boys, afraid of hell, and afraid of getting into trouble. I knew how to listen to the spirit of fear. I had not yet learned the voice of the Spirit of God.
• I put a lot of confidence in myself and in my good reputation.
• instead of simply interpreting their words as encouragement, I internalized them and let them become a standard to continue reaching for.
• The mask of the good reputation is a hard one to take off. So much of who I am is wrapped up in what I do or in what I have abstained from all my life.
• My incessant need to be better than, to be important, to be liked and right and good on my own and by myself–those things pulsed just under the surface of my smiling exterior. In Christian circles, we tend to call that self-righteousness. And it is. We could also call it self-dependence, and this gospel of self-sufficiency robs good girls of a life of freedom and victory.

{I marked so many things in these two chapters!}

For me, being a good girl has been centered around perfection – and faking it if necessary.  {You know what I mean?}  It's also been longing to be noticed but working hard not to be noticed at the same time.  But I can't ever live up to my idea of my perfect good girl and I feel like a complete failure sitting next to “her”.

But I didn't realize that by trying to be perfect I was hiding behind masks and not allowing even myself to see the real me.  I really thought that even God expected me to be good.

My reputation nightmare would consists of two things:

• being blamed for something I didn't do
• being seen as incapable or not having the right answers.

When I was in third grade, I got into an argument with a boy in my class.  The boy happened to be a diabetic and following the argument, he had a low blood sugar episode.  My teacher ignorantly blamed his episode on me.  Unfortunately, in my mind, I now had to prove myself to everyone and maintain my reputation.  Don't approve of me?  Well, then I'll prove it to you with my flawless performance.

Living free for me would be not fearing failure and being content following what God calls me to do no matter what the outcome.  This means remembering that God is control and He loves me for me not for what I do.

What has being a good girl meant for you?

Missed a week of the discussion?  You can start here for the whole series.