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What would you do if your spouse came down with a life-threatening illness? What would you want your kids to know about you? What would you want them to know about marriage and family if you weren't around to be a mentor for them later in life?
These are the kinds of questions that Hal and Melanie Young began to think about when they discovered that Hal had stage 4 cancer. With a house full of boys (plus two little girls), Hal and Melanie wanted their kids to know their philosophy of marriage and their family mission. They'd already written about raising kids in Raising Real Men, but this extended desire led to the writing of My Beloved and My Friend.
Melanie contacted me a couple of months ago and asked me if I'd read this new book and tell you about it. I read and blogged about their first book, Raising Real Men. I've heard talk after talk at several conferences. Hmm. Maybe I'm a bit of a groupie? Maybe… But I love Hal and Melanie's style, their approach to raising boys, and they way they point straight to the Bible to find answers.
My Beloved and My Friend
Shouldn't we marry someone we have normally and naturally befriended, and not make an artificial separation a companionship and a romance?
Hal and Melanie seem to touch on every possible marriage related topic in My Beloved and My Friend:
- Leaving and Cleaving
- Submission
- Finances
- The Physical
- Children
- Division of Labor
- and more
I found myself nodding and agreeing at so many points as I read. I felt that Hal and Melanie were putting words to the thoughts and feelings that Josh have about family… and of course they did it in a way that we never could.
How Can I Be Married to My Best Friend?
My Beloved and My Friend made me ponder what I really want my boys to know about marriage and family life. When they wonder, “How Can I Be Married to My Best Friend?”, I want them to know these things…
To my boys:
- I want you to know that I married Josh because he was my best friend long before there was ever a romantic interest. Our friendship is the basis of our marriage.
- Josh is the head of our home and I submit my stubborn and opinionated nature to his leadership because that's the order that God created for marriage.
- I want to see you find a girl who is and will be your best friend; a girl you can't live with out. Make that girl your best friend before you marry her and the pursue deepening that friendship the rest of your life.
- Daddy and I will be here as mentors and a sounding board as you grow and mature, but one day you must leave us to become the leader of your own family to become one with your wife.
Favorite Quotes
Here are some of my favorite things that Hal and Melanie said in My Beloved and My Friend:
- Shouldn't lovers enjoy the same tolerance, grace, forgiveness and trust, as the world expects friends to show? pg. 3
- God intends for us to grow more focused on our spouse and less on our self. pg. 13
- When the husband and wife are said to be “one flesh,” how can they hold closer relationships outside their marriage? pg. 25
- Sometimes you will find it expedient to release a perfectly inoffensive part of your life for the greater good of the relationship. pg. 36
- (Speaking of Eve and the role of women…) She would manage things under his authority so that he could focus his strengths in areas he was uniquely gifted and responsible for. pg. 71
- Submission is not bondage, but rather freedom… pg. 73
- It is not leadership to let things drop without resolution because it's easier than dealing with the issue. pg. 81
- Bless your children by requiring them to contribute to the family mission. pg. 193
- As we become likeminded in principles and convictions, we can really start thinking alike and begin to live our lives together in an intentional and coherent way. pg. 231
My Beloved and My Friend is another excellent book from Hal and Melanie Young. You'll find yourself challenged to make your spouse your best and deepen that relationship if they are already your best friend. My Beloved and My Friend is available for pre-order here.
What do you want your kids to know about marriage and family life?
Material Disclosure: I received a free copy of My Beloved and My Friend in exchange for an honest review.
