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I grew up as a military brat, which means as a young child I moved around a bit. However, for most of my growing up years we were stationed in a small community in Southern Arizona. I was fortunate enough to be a part of two different faith communities while growing up there, and both of them had a profound impact on my faith journey and my decision to stay active in the church as an adult.
A couple of years ago the Fuller Institute put out a book called “Sticky Faith.” This book did some extensive research of churched youth to find out what the difference was between those who stayed involved in the church in college and beyond, and those who had fallen away from their church after being very connected as youth.
One of the strongest indicators for students who stayed involved and connected continuously was that they had been involved in intergenerational worship and intergenerational ministries in their home congregations. This resonated with me.
The first church we attended was in an old military chapel on the base. We had a large chapel on the base that held a protestant service at one hour, and a catholic service at another hour. At the time we were living there our Chaplain happened to be Lutheran, and he decided to do an additional service at a tiny chapel after the other protestant service for anyone who wanted to attend.
My parents had both been raised Lutheran and thought this would be a great opportunity for us. There were 40 of us who attended services in this old WWII chapel. There was no Christian education opportunity as we just weren't big enough. Every family took turns hosting the fellowship hour following worship. When you hosted you brought the treats (sometimes you bought donuts, sometimes you baked… it was always delicious!). The fellowship time often lasted longer than the service.
Everyone knew everyone by name. The church felt safe to me, and was a place I wanted to be. If you weren't there, you were likely to get a phone call from someone to make sure you were okay. This place was a great example of community, and sharing, and learning.
When I entered junior high, my parents and the pastor began talking about Confirmation. Confirmation is an important ritual in the Lutheran tradition, and I was the only one of that age in this tiny congregation. I learned that my parents had decided it might be best if we went to the Lutheran church in town, so that I might begin Confirmation instruction. I was devastated. That church seemed huge to me (they had about 250 people). I didn't know anyone there.
On my first day of confirmation class, we were asked to choose a mentor from the congregation. Each student had a name that came to their mind immediately, and I began to cry. I didn't know anyone – how could I choose? I was paired up with the intern pastor, because he was new too! I didn't know it at the time, but that relationship would end up being very influential to me.
I quickly made friends, and learned that the 13 kids in my confirmation class were great people, and the people in my youth group were some of my favorite people I met in junior high and high school.
However, what was even more special to me were the relationships I made with everyone else in worship. I learned that even in a congregation of 250, there were people who noticed I was gone. There were ladies in the choir who sought me out each week to say hello and give me a hug, and when I decided I wanted to sing in worship (and didn't do so great) they encouraged me to keep singing, until it became something I loved and could do well. I felt like I was valued, and I was important.
We didn't have flashy music, we didn't have great youth ministry programs – but I knew I was loved, and I experienced God's love in that church. When I went off to college, I couldn't wait to come home and visit my church family. Sierra Lutheran Church inspired me to choose ministry as a vocation and will always hold a special place in my heart.
I have always chosen to have my children in worship too. They participate in the Christian education opportunities for their ages in addition to us finding worship times during which we can all be together.
We do a great disservice to our youth when we keep them in age-specific programming and then, when they have “aged” out of such programming, we expect them to go to worship. Why would they? It is all foreign to them. They don't know what to expect, why we do it, and they have rarely experienced the beauty that can be found in that kind of intergenerational community.
Worshiping with kids is hard, I get it. It is especially hard when you have small children. However, the payout is worth it. Thanks mom and dad for bringing me to worship, and thanks to the worshiping communities that put up with goldfish in the pews, loud “whispers,” giggling teenagers, and occasional outbursts in the name of loving Jesus and each other.
I promise it is worth it.
