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My son is 4 and is very verbal. At his 3-year-old well check-up, his decades-in-the-business doctor told me that he'd never had a child that age who talks that much. Little did he know then. My ears get tired some days. Anyway, I digress…
So take a normal 4-year-old and then add like 10 extra doses of a fondness for talking. Place that in an only child who doesn't have to share air time with siblings and you pretty much have my life. My wonderful, silly, exhausting, noisy life.
Matthew talks about just about everything he can find space in his brain for and asks an infinite amount of questions that inevitably lead us down some of the craziest and most fun bunny trails I've ever been on. As much as I can, I answer his questions. Even if it means telling him, “I don't know, I'll have to find out,” I try to answer his curiosity.
There is one question, though, that he is learning that I won't answer.
The “Why?” question.
More specifically, the “Why?” question that is asked as a response to an instruction I give him.
“Matthew it's time for bed. Can you please choose the pajamas you would like to wear?”
“Why?”“I'm sorry, we can't have brownies for breakfast.”
“Why?”“Please sit down and eat your dinner.”
“Why?”“You need to put clothes on if you want to go play outside.”
“Why?”(On a side note, I'm noticing how many of our conversations involve nakedness or eating. Life with boys…)
I believe in answering Matthew's “Why?” when the question is offered in true intellectual pursuit, or if he truly cannot comprehend what I am asking without further clarification. And when I introduce something for the first time, I explain it in detail and answer his questions.
For example, when he got his first bicycle, I gave him a helmet and explained that we never ride a bicycle without a helmet because a helmet will help protect our heads if we fall. However, I no longer respond when he asks “why” after I remind him to put his helmet on.
I am attempting to put a kabash on his habit of choosing obedience based on whether or not he agrees with my reasoning.
Why? (See what I did there?)
Because God often calls us to obedience, and many times we do not know or understand why. As parents, we are to teach our children obedience because it helps them understand obedience to their Heavenly Father.
Moses, Noah, Jonah, and Joshua are just a few of the countless examples in scripture of children of God who were called to obey a specific instruction without understanding all, or sometimes even part, of God's reasoning.
You've probably caught yourself saying, “Because I said so,” more than once to your child. I actually believe this is a good and satisfactory answer in some cases. There are times when God has revealed, does reveal, or will reveal His purposes, plans, or timing to the person whose obedience He is requesting. But there are many, many other times when the only answer we receive is, “Because I said so. Do you trust me?”
Scripture tells us that God's ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. His purposes and plans may be incomprehensible to us, but He calls us to obedience still.
When I give an instruction and Matthew replies with “why?” I usually ignore the question if I know he is asking it to stall, to distract, or to disobey. Other times I reply with, “Honey, you don't need to know why. You need to comply because Mommy asked you to.” In cases where I think he truly is trying to grasp the concept, I do answer his questions, within reason.
This strategy will obviously change as he gets older, and my answer is vastly different when the same question is asked in a different context. As in all things parenting, this practice requires discretion and judgment to attempt to ascertain the child's heart in his questioning.
I do also want him to know that God is approachable, kind, and generous in His response to us.
At this stage in his development and spiritual understanding, balancing his mind's need for information and his soul's need for obedience is a tenuous balance that is only maintained through prayer and instruction from the Lord.
When we choose to obey without demanding an explanation of the instruction, we choose trust in God's providence and character. I choose not to answer my son's every “Why?” because I want him to learn that kind of trust. I want him to learn that I do not instruct him as I do without good reason, but that he does not always need to know what that reason is because he can trust my character and love for him to do what is right for him.
In time, I hope that lesson transfers to him learning that obedience to God, who will ask far more of him than I ever will, who loves him far more completely than I ever could, and whose character is infinitely incorruptible.
“Because God” is the best answer he could ever possibly receive to any question he will ever have.
